Epp-ic Thoughts: Week 8

Kevin Epp

Kevin Epp

April 5, 2013

Junior Kevin Epp shares stories, knowledge and general lacrosse team news in his weekly blog entitled "Epp-ic Thoughts."

Epp is a two-year letterwinner and long stick defenseman for the Black Knights. He made his way to West Point from Naperville, Ill.

What's going on Army Lacrosse fans, welcome to Week 7 of the blog!

Last week I wrote about our resident Long Islanders on the team. Long story short, I haven't received a swirly like that since middle school. Apparently talking about cannolis and pasta doesn't go over too well with a bunch of Long Island Irish-Italians. They take that stuff pretty serious. Who would've guessed...

This week I'm going to talk about getting hyphee for games. Urban Dictionary defines "hyphee" as getting crazy, rowdy, or stupid. I'm going to be honest, John Glesener and Austin Bokmeyer are just about the only dudes on the team who use this word, but I think it's a pretty good interpretation of the Army Lacrosse locker room before games. And it all starts with the coaches. Coach A, as long as I've been here, has talked about having `unbridled enthusiasm' for all the little details throughout the game. I literally had no clue what he was talking about until I looked up the definition of "unbridled" like two seconds ago.

In all seriousness though, there's nothing that pumps up a team more than a goal, ground ball, or big hit. Following one of these three events, players usually like to celebrate their accomplishment by adding a little bit of personal flare to the game. Also following one of these three events, the sideline likes to celebrate in their own little way. Let's take a look at the more memorable celebrations on the team.

Chris Monteferante - He does a jersey tug after every goal ... and every shot. I heard he did a jersey tug when he walked into coach's office for his official visit too. Fortune favors the bold, Chris.

Garrett Thul - if you've ever seen Happy Gilmore, then you know who Shooter McGavin is. Well after almost every goal, I see Garret do a little Shooter-esque celebration that goes a little something like this: *double pistol* *hip thrust* "THAT'S ONE BABAYYYY!!"

John Glesener - John had five goals against Colgate. Count it, five goals. Last week, John Sabert successfully counted how many players were on the offensive end of the field (there were six), and this kid goes off and scores five goals. That's impressive. John usually shrugs his goals off as if they were effortless, or maybe he is clueless as to whether they went in or not. Regardless, the best celebration by John was Army vs. Navy last year with his little ground punch action. Imagine trying to rev up a chainsaw, that's how it looked. The commentators on CBS were clueless as to what revving up a chainsaw symbolized and the team tried to find some sort of meaning behind it. Needless to say, it got us fired up.

Conor Van Duzer - This guy coined his celebration as The Hammer of Thor. He had the audacity to name his own celebration ... that takes a certain kind of player. He told me, and I quote, "I only bring it down for big game-changing goals." We have not seen The Hammer of Thor yet.

Conor Cook/Will Mazzone/Alex Carros - The Three Amigos. The Little Giants. The Gridiron Gang. Little House on the Lax Field. Whatever they call themselves, all their goal celebrations look about the same. Imagine a small child that just received his favorite present on Christmas. Now imagine that small child at Michie stadium wearing an Army Lacrosse jersey. Hopping, skipping, and jumping are all a part of this routine.

Jimbo Moore - Jimby is one of the most enthusiastic people on the team, so every goal is something different. As of late, Jimbo's go-to celebration is doing the Gator Chomp with this arms. Gator pride, Jimbo.

Matt Mezer - The ying to Jimbo Moore's yang. These two gators usually have tandem celebrations. If you look at the team stats, Matt Mezer has one goal in his career. And by God, Matt Mezer made you know it. Imagine a crab coming out of its hole on a beach. But imagine this crab to be a 6-1, 210-pound behemoth with a gauss cannon. That was Matt Mezer at approximately 1300 hours on 16 February 2013 ... the first face-off of the second quarter against VMI. Friends never forget, Matt.

Pat Brennan - This kid is all about staying chill. Even when he nets a goal, Pat makes sure to act like he's chaying with his bros back in Maryland. Pat's shot resembles the popular dance "The Bernie" and is one of the most awkward sequences of events I've ever had the pleasure of witnessing. Despite this, he's got a boom-stick for a shot.

Al DeStefano - Al's goal last week consisted of passing the ball to the goalie from 17 yards, running up to the goalie and punching him in the face so he couldn't see the ball, and watching it go in. His celebration was just a bunch of yelling and inside-jokes that I didn't understand ... something about giant gold chains and chicken parm.

But these individuals only make up half of the celebrations that go on the field. And to be honest, they have to be a little modest so they don't get a penalty for going overboard. If you want to see the real deal, take a gander at the scout team heroes, or more kindly put, "The Dog Pound," after goals.

It is there that you will find Matt Mezer, Mark Pesa, and Evan Danahy hanging mortars after goals. It is there that you will find Bobby Sincero literally acting like a chimp after goals. It is in the Dog Pound where warriors are made ....where Will O'Donnell and Andrew Michalowski suffer more concussions than they do at practice. Ehret Faircloth made brownies out of pre-workout mix just to get hyphee for our game against Lafayette. I've seen Nick Isnardi destroy thousands of dollars worth of equipment in the Dog Pound. Zeric Butters claims to have seen Jesus' face on the grilled cheese sandwich he was eating in the Dog Pound last Sunday. I even saw Kip Haddock holding up a newborn baby after we scored once. I've seen a grown man cry in the Dog Pound ... true story.

It's a white team party on the sidelines after we score. So while you watch Garret blow the smoke off his *double pistols* and Jimbo Moore finish his Gator Chomp this Saturday, take a look at the sidelines getting belligerent.

Highlights of the Week
-John Glesener had five goals.

-Apparently John Burk thought it was football season.

-Austin Schultz made his first career start and killed it. What's up, Clarky.

-Whoever made those macadamia nut cookies for the tailgate, please keep those coming.

-And the Easter egg bags.

-Brendan Buckley is up for the Lowe's Senior Class Award . Please vote for him here http://www.seniorclassaward.com/athletes/brendan_buckley/.

Hope to see you at our game against Bucknell this Saturday at noon.


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