Epp-ic Thoughts: Week 5

Kevin Epp

Kevin Epp

Feb. 27, 2013

Junior Kevin Epp shares stories, knowledge and general lacrosse team news in his weekly blog entitled "Epp-ic Thoughts."

Epp is a two-year letterwinner and long stick defenseman for the Black Knights. He made his way to West Point from Naperville, Ill.

Army lacrosse fans ... welcome to week five of the blog!

Last week I went over the most popular games that the team played on the road. If you read last week's entry, you may remember me talking about a possible comeback from "Scramble With Friends" as this season's top app. From what it looks like on the bus, it appears that game is dead and gone. We decided to take a far more intellectual approach to our leisure time on the bus, and therefore have decided to adopt "Llama or Duck" as our new favorite app *golf clap*. In past posts, I've alluded to lunch tables on the team, and you guessed it, this week I will delve further into the dynamic behind them.

As you may know, the entire school eats at the same time in a giant mess hall. The lacrosse team is allotted a handful of tables to allow us to sit as a team and eat lunch together every day. Along with this, every Thursday night the Academy has something called "Spirit Dinner," which is another opportunity for us to sit together as a team. Let's take a look at some of the more colorful lunch tables on the team.

The Table formerly known as Fat
The title says it all. The majority of the upperclassmen at this table are the remaining disciples of the F.M.C. (Shout out to Larry, Sully, John, Brian, and Tom). The Fat Man Club created this table to promote the delicious flavor of Nesquik milk. Now that they have all graduated, those who remain attempt to carry on the F.M.C. legacy. Members of the table include:

-Marc "The Fridge" Pesa - Long Island, largest biceps on the team.
-Kip "Landfill" Haddock - product of North Carolina, drinks syrup before games.
-Jimbo "Slimbo" D'Aprile - Long Island, has an American flag tattooed on his shoulder.
-John "Chin" Burk(e) - Long Island, caught his giant cleft chin in a doorway this past weekend.
-Dom Gennaro - Long Island.
-Conor Van Duzer - Starred in the Geico Caveman commercials.
-"Olde" Tim Coll - Longest legs on the team.
-Austin Schultz - Was the president of a fraternity before he came here.

Honorable Mentions of this table include: Sean Flint, Tom Dalton, Larry and Brian LoRusso, John Adair, and Dan Glesener.

T.O.D. (Table Of Death)
Well ... I really don't know what to say other than this table is the standard. And by "standard" I mean the Table Of Death is a really friendly place where folks go to have a good time at lunch. If you're a freshman at the table, you're considered a "Toddler." I once saw a grown man with a really great beard start crying at TOD. Don't know what for. Candidates for TOD go through an extensive selection process that includes, but is not limited to ... well I wouldn't know because I wasn't selected. Here are a few of the gentlemen who occupy TOD:

-Matt Mezer - Sits at the helm of the table, A.K.A. The TODfather.
-Drew Kearns - Command Sergeant Major of TOD.
-Reed Caradine - Executive Officer of TOD.
-Alex Brammer - 1st Sergeant of TOD.
-Bill Baird - 1st Corporal, holds it down for the soldiers at the end of the table.
-Tom Shade - Corporal First Class of TOD, loves soldiers.
Jimbo Moore - Had a mullet in high school (I'm working on getting a blog together specifically about him).
-Kevin Schurr - Already has a doctorate.
-Jacob Geist - Loves spirit dinner.
-Peter Basnight - Loves spirit dinner almost as much as Jacob.

TOD retirees: Derek Sipperly (currently at Ranger School), Chris Day (currently deployed), Tyler Oates (Ranger Qualified), Alex Rhoades (Ranger Qualified), Cam Friscia (Ranger and Sapper Qualified), Chris Mattos (Ranger Qualified). Notice a trend here?

AVK's Table
As you may remember from my previous blog post about Alex Van Krevel, he is better known by the name "Mental Assassin." He brings his mental assassinating powers to the table every day, leaving most of us confused and/or flabbergasted, but for the majority of the time we're left downright clueless. Attendance at this lunch table is absolutely mandatory; absences are punishable under Van Krevel Law, which has been compared to Sharia Law in some cases. Just ask John Glesener. Here are the table's occupants:

-Alex Van Krevel - Just read above and you get the gist.
-Zeric Butters - May inherit the mental assassin title next year.
-John Glesener - Is he from Upstate? San Francisco? We'll never know.
-Mike Larrabee - Eats a dozen hardboiled eggs every day, ate a block of Velveeta cheese once.
-Alex Newsome - Disgusted by Mike's eating habits.
-Michael Kerwin - Brings a lot of extra food to the table. Valuable asset.
-Dom Gotti - Also a valuable asset to the table.
-Paul Tocci - Somehow related to the rapper Lil' Wayne.

These are only a few of the tables that we have, but in the coming weeks I will make sure to go over the entirety of the team. Along with that, in the future, there will be a blog post specifically about Jimbo Moore and his amazing hair before he came here. Where there's a will, there's a way.

Highlights of the Week:
-Brendan Madarasz scored another practice goal.
-Tyler Kamide has a behind the back goal against Syracuse.
-Mike Larrabee decided that his favorite candy is no longer Twix, but now Snickers.

Hope to see you all in Miami for our game against Michigan this Saturday.


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